Palestinian and Egyptian journalist Youmna El Sayed is the correspondent for Al Jazeera English in Gaza. In exile in Cairo since January 2024, she tells of the dangers she had to overcome as a reporter and mother in a deadly conflict for civilians, and how she tries to recover.

“I was living in Gaza City with my husband and our four children aged 12, 11, 8 and 5. When the war broke out in early October, bombardments were indiscriminate, we didn’t know what place could be safe. As journalists, we were directly attacked by Israeli forces to silence reporting. Our offices, homes and neighbourhoods were the target of direct strikes. In three months, I had to flee six times with my family. After evacuating to the south of Wadi Gaza at the beginning of the war, we decided to go back to our apartment in Gaza City: there was a lack of water and electricity in the south and, if we were to die, let it be in dignity. Another time, we had to flee to Khan Younes walking 6-7 km with my children through shootings and the bodies of whole families killed and still lying on the ground. And when we arrived in Rafah early December, winter was coming, there were no more warm clothes to buy, my younger child was cold. Finally, thanks to my father who could put pressure in Egypt and pay a lot of money, we managed to be evacuated to Cairo.

Now I’m trying to rest and to recover physically and mentally. I am still in position at Al Jazeera, they leave me time to recover. But I cannot report, because Al Jazeera has no license to work in Egypt. My situation, as well as my future, is very uncertain. The whole Gaza strip has been destroyed and has become unliveable: there are no more roads, hospitals, schools. After losing a whole year, my children still don’t know if they will attend school in Egypt or elsewhere in September. Most of all, I am trying to overcome and to cure my survival guilt: I did my best to report inside Gaza but at some point I decided to leave as a mother, to save my children. Now I feel it’s important for me to give conferences and interviews, to raise conscience worldwide about the situation in Gaza. Many of my colleagues working in Gaza now had to move again to the central city to work from Al Aqsa hospital after they were ordered to evacuate from Rafah. They continue to work in dire conditions with the least necessities available.”

This extract is taken from the 13th issue of Mediation, entitled ‘Structuring exiled journalism in a more authoritarian world’, which you can find here.